I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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