thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dick has a subreddit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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