cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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