I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
