I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize