Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
