In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
