if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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