after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
