8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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