it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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