I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
