what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
