Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
