you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
