i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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