If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
