Your mouth is God's brothel.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
