Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
