why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
