I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
