i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We named our party play list daddy issues
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
