We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
