Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
