If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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