he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
