remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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