my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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