You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
