I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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