I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
