Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
