So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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