So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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