piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
