I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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