It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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