All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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