If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
