I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's get the cat blown out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
