dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
