quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
