check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
