Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
