we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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