looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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