My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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