It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't deserve a penis
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
