Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
