you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
