He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
