party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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