I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
