wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
