it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
