please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
