I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
