Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
