I hate all girls vehemently.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
