I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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