Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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