the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
