I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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