I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
