my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
