i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
